As human beings, we'd often like to think that we are the most evolved versions of ourselves--Even when we’re not. Last week, I experienced that feeling. For months now, I have forged a path toward happiness and healing. I have identified mistakes that I have made in the past and promised myself that in the future I’d do better. Everything is easy to say until of course, life tests you.I’d love to be able to say that I’m consistently great at communicating my feelings to others, but that’s not always the case. Last week, different circumstances thrown my way had me upset, but I wasn’t sure of the best way to communicate that. When I was asked what was wrong, I immediately went into defense mechanism mode and acted like nothing was wrong. The truth was, I was questioning the validity of my feelings and felt stupid for even being upset in the first place. My inability to effectively communicate my feelings conflicted and upset me even more.
Ultimately I had to come to the realization that despite how far I’ve come in my journey of healing, happiness, self-love and communication skills, I still have much further to go. The fact that I may not be as emotionally intelligent as I had believed was extremely jarring to my self-esteem. But I also have to forgive myself and allow the time and space to learn and grow from this experience.
Sometimes, we are our own harshest critics. Much of the beauty in self-love is maintaining a balance between challenging ourselves but remembering to treat ourselves with kindness along the way. I will be the first to admit that at times I sometimes struggle with sustaining that balance. My need to be the perfect mother, daughter, employee and friend often supersedes my need to go easy on myself. But alas, recognizing an issue is the first step of change. So I’m looking forward to exercising more balance, kindness and positivity in the near future. The quicker that I realize that I'm only human the better off I'll be.
How do you find balance in your daily lives?
You definitely touched on some things I'm working on within myself. I often have trouble communicating my true feelings to others for some of the same reasons you mentioned here. I keep telling myself that the only way I can fully walk in my truth is to be more open about my feelings and intentions. So I'm trying to do just that and take it one step at a time. Thank you so much for your transparency, love. I needed to read this today.
Thanks for your comment Dre! I can only speak my truth in hopes that somebody can relate or learn something about their own journey, be blessed!
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